kenyanigria

When fundamental differences and feelings don’t agree.

I am never going to pick up Wanga’s call or reply her message again. Every conversation takes me back to where I am trying to escape from. Seeing her stare would make me lose my words and just ramble and talk at length about how beautiful her eyes are. But I am no small or shallow man, Wanga’s brain is what makes my heart skip a beat. We can go on and on talking about different issues and not stop. She stimulates my brain and forces it to think while my mouth chooses my words wisely. Whenever she sits next to me and whispers “Tobi I am thinking…”, everything stops and I anticipate the new idea she is about to express. Our divergent cultures that emanate from the extreme of two different opposing sides of Africa always result into interesting conversations. She also has these ideas about women that always strike me by surprise. Every conversation with her opened my eyes to the different struggles women face around the world. Anyways, these continued for a while.

She was a Kenyan, somewhat Christian, feminist and rebel. I was an ideal Nigerian Muslim child who followed orders and listened to elders. She was 22 and I was 18. She ate bacon and drank vodka. I ate halaal and drank halaal. She was far away from the type of woman that my parents would like to see me around and maybe that thrill contributed to the gargantuan feelings I had for her. My friends disapproved of her and her friends thought she was out of her mind for being with someone that she could be an elder sister too. The world was against us.

It was not my initiative that brought us together and I didn’t just have my way for her to be mine. I always avoided every thought of her that came to mind whenever I sat next to her for whatever reason. She sensed my anxiousness around her and confronted me about it. I confessed my feelings and somehow we ended up together.

That’s all been cut short though. She now resides in Asia and I am in America. She never wanted a long distance relationship and we agreed to cut romantic ties. But, it has been six months now and she appears to have feelings for me when we talk. She told me she was over me during a Skype call and I told her my feelings for her were still strong. She told me to get over it. I think I have but my last call with her proved there is still a residue of feelings. I need space from her brilliance and her beauty. Our relationship was a fairy tale that had no place in the real world anyway. I hope you now understand why I would never pick up Wanga’s call again.